This is a common scenario that unfortunately, many couples (married or dating)can relate to. Of course, a man who is distancing has the same responsibility. While all couples need autonomy and closeness, many partners struggle with the pursuer-distancer dance and feel chronically dissatisfied with their degree of intimacy. She says, How can we get along if we dont work on our problems?, Keith responds, Im not sure what problems youre talking about. A couple's ability to have a loving and fulfilling relationship requires that they balance two primary human needs - togetherness and separateness. . This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. The distancer needs to start sharing their thoughts and feelings. The first is the passive-aggressive cynical "sorry". It's a cycle that psychologists call a pursuer-distancer dynamic. Thats why its imperative to learn about the ways to break the pursuer distancer pattern. Distancers often have more power, in the sense that they may be withholding affection, avoiding intimacy, or . What to Do to Break the Pursuer-Distancer Relationship Pattern: Accept that the pattern exists and needs to be corrected to improve the long-term stability of your relationship. Here are some tips on how to identify, soften, and, hopefully, liberate yourself from the pursuer-distance dance. Hence, the attraction! Sometimes a distancer realizes too late that their partner is severely distressed and they have already started making plans to end their relationship. Pursuer-distancer dynamic & breaking out of it : r/Divorce - Reddit Pursuers perceive the distanced individuals to be, So, why is it fundamental to learn how to break the pattern of distancer pursuer in relationships? Gottman found that men tend to withdraw and women tend to pursue when they are in intimate relationships. If you pursue a distancer, they will distance more. Reviewed by Tyler Woods, Pursuing and distancing are patterned ways that humans move under stress, two different ways of trying to get comfortable.

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